The Beginning / by Meaghan McCallum

Yesterday, I embarked on a three-month journey.  As I write this, I’m in my hotel room at the Barcelo Gran Faro, in San Jose del Cabo.  I can smell the ocean from my room, and watch the palm trees dance in the breeze.  

I am alone, and I wanted it that way.

As some may know, I struggle with Depression/Anxiety and Narcolepsy (type 2).  I typically don’t express this publicly, because I loathe the type of attention it brings.  I’m an extremely private person and have an unfettered need to control the way people see me. So I decline invitations, tell everyone I’m fine, and lie with a smile on my face.  God forbid anyone know I’m human.

This year has been incredibly hard for me; to the point of almost breaking.  Yet, I doubt anyone really knew that.  Because, I’m afraid of people knowing who I really am. 

In the midst of my turmoil, I realized that I needed a break from it all.  I needed to get out of Alaska and breathe the clarity you can only find from physical change.

So here I am, in Mexico, by myself.

I watched the sunrise this morning, and for the first time in a very long while, I felt hopeful.  This hope inspired me to start breaking down my walls; even if the fear claws its way up my throat.

Next week, I go to Portland.  After that, Los Angeles, Natchez, Atlanta, and who knows where else.

Stay tuned, I might have more to say.